What is the one true conspiracy theory?

There is one true conspiracy theory. There is no question about it. Cats rule the world. How could this possible be wrong? It goes all the way back to the Egyptians. Cats just sit around hangin out. We feed them. We pet them. They don't do a single goddamn thing. They don't care when we show up, they're ANTI-sycophantic, complete opposite of dogs. We WEAR their ears as topics of our debates. Cats eat rats and we copy them, or reverse copy them by letting them eat us I guess? They are very majestic creatures. Cats are magical creatures. Humans SHOULD bow down to cats. meow meow meow this was not written by a cat