That time I was a camboi

They called me 'the hotdog.' I was known for plumb buns and a long schlong. But that wasn't where the nickname came from. It was my propensity to cover myself in mustard and ketchup. Slick and vaguely tangy. Unsurprisingly, it was easy to find subscribers. They cou;ldn't get enough of my pickles and my crinkle cut chips. I even got spononsorship fgrom costco. With every membership subscription new viewers would log on. Eventually i had to stop because of a terrible bout of gout. You see, topically applied mustard and ketchup seep into the skin can inject the calories directly into the skin. Viewers love a hot dog guzzler, but they hate a loser. And I had become a loser. Worst of all, worst of all, the Costco representatives had decided to rescind my sponsorship. I needed a new gimmick. Something to draw the kids in. Hotdogs were out. My buns were flat. What did I have to reel the kids back in...? ICe cream? Surely not. Le croix? Too bland. I need some sort of vaguely sexual food product. Apple pie? Old. Eggplant? Played out. That's it - I 've got it, slki[[pery eels!